When I Said

I loved you,

I meant I would love you in every humanly way possible.

And yes, that may sound ridiculous just how many ways that could be,

but I know I could love you in every single way

you’d let me.

Do you remember those nights

when you’d look at me looking at you,

asking what? and I’d say nothing,

but in truth, I was loving you a little bit longer before

we said goodbye for the night.

I don’t know what you think of those memories now,

or if you think it only belongs to someone else who deserves it.

To me, you were the most deserving star out there.

No matter how far you’ve traveled

or how close we were.

These memories are what tied us so closely together.

I thought the wait was always worth it for you.

When I said

I loved you,

I meant it in our midnight calls

of nothing and everything,

In each letter I wrote to you,

dozens of pens empty of their bleeding ink.

I put it into every gift I made for you,

constructed deeply with the thought of you coming back home.

To me.

You were my special someone.

Now we are friends, maybe lovers, something

in between, but not nothing.

How could you be nothing to me?

I can’t help but think of you

in the ways we were before.

Would it be so bad to start again?

Could you love me a little longer?

Stay a little closer?

Put your hand in mine.

Just one last kiss and I’ll be content.

The answer will always be uncertain,

though we will never say it out loud.

When I said

I loved you,

I know you’ll find me

in our playlist on your way to work.

Maybe you’ll find me

mixed into your morning coffee,

or in my letters sitting on your bedroom floor.

I hope you’ll find pieces of me scattered in the

pockets of your jeans and under the soles of your boots.

I could wait 160 days for you,

but maybe you couldn’t wait 160 days for me.

No matter the distance

I had no shame in how loudly I’d declared my love

or how softly I’d only said it to you.

Maybe I said it a little too loudly

before you could say

I love you too.